It turns out that the Eyjafjallajokull eruption that stranded me in the United Kingdom earlier this year was all James May’s fault. Seriously. If you watched the first episode of Series 15 (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, uh, shame on you and you can fix that problem right now), you’ll no doubt remember James’ decision to drive up Eyjafjallajokull in a Toyota Hilux. Fine, whatever — Clarkson made some jokes about it in the episode, and that’s all great.
But then James hoisted aloft his souvenir trophy from the volcano. Anyone who knows anything about volcanoes knows Pele gets kind of pissed off when people steal rocks. “Oh, sure,” you say, secure in your belief that the ancient Hawaiians were on glue. “It’s not like Pele’s Curse is real, and besides, isn’t it only supposed to affect people who take stuff from Hawaii?” Well, maybe. I don’t know. But consider this: James took the piece of lava home to Great Britain after having recorded the theft on video. The ash cloud that Eyjafjallajokull spat out more or less made a beeline for the United Kingdom, and then sat there. For five days. Closing airspace. James May has a pilot’s license, and a job that is somewhat dependent on travel.
I can’t prove Pele was behind this. But it sure looks like punishment to me. Moral: don’t steal from the volcano. Ever ever ever.
Also, after having typed Eyjafjallajokul several times in this entry (mostly ensuring the muscle memory is there for the next time I need to type it; look for my forthcoming book on the ash crisis entitled “With Immediate Effect, Until Further Notice: Eyjafjallajokul and the Airplane,” wherein I type that word many more times!), I am forced to think endlessly about this.